Recipe of Love

Saturday was day 3 of chemo, different types in a combination as unique as her cancer. We came in to her smiling and laughing at videos of her crazy good family dancing around like goofballs and celebrating her mother's birthday. Her dad and brothers, mom and sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandpa altogether. When we got to her breakdancing solo and her cousins chanting in the background 'Go Yana, Go Yana, Go Yana, Go Yana,' we watched her laughing over her shoulder as she twisted and writhed in dance moves, center stage and all eyes on her. Aiyana's face lit up with the memory of such a fun day: and she exclaimed, here comes Daddy and watched him dance into view.

When was that again? Oh right, two weeks ago ... today.

Aiyana takes it in stride, the bags coming in and out, in and out, and the monitor making blips and bleeps to track flow and volume. Everyone comes and goes, saying she is doing wonderfully well and even better than they had hoped. She slept some of the afternoon and the nurse verbalized what we were all thinking: wouldn't it be great if her memories of this time were only of movies and videos and sleeping a lot?

Her folks of course know what all the chemicals are, how many hours it takes to administer, and which ones are given on what days. For the rest of us, all we understand is that 'aggressive' means the greatest minds have pulled out all the stops on this one and are holding nothing back. Here! Here!

Love does wonders with normalizing life for her siblings through homework and dinners, school, play time, and performances. When life reminds them how different it is and they feel blue, a ray of sunshine is right there to hug and talk it through. What a relief that Mickey D gave Aiyana's dad a safe place to sleep peacefully through the night tucked beside his littlest child. It is healing and right and appreciated.

There are tiers to a family like layers in a cake. No layer is meant to replace another, and why would we want to when the ingredients all add to the unique, sweet, tangy flavor? Visits and cards, good wishes and dinners, funny stories and memories, errands and housework, thoughts and prayers, an unexpected hand, hugs and tears -- it is all a part of this family's recipe of love.

Keep it comin'!

The Last Week in October

It started out pretty good, with a 40th birthday party for her mother on Sunday and lots of laughter and camraderie around the big dining room table. Everyone was there to celebrate this lady who gives so much to others.

Aiyana looked a little pale and definitely wasn't on her game. She had a little fever going and it was decided to take her in for a check. No one wanted to take chances if it was the flu.

Monday she headed in to the pediatrician around 11 and blood work was done with a rush on it, and by 4pm Aiyana and her parents were back in the doctor's office hearing the news that this was a little more serious than the flu. They went directly from there to Sutter Med downtown Sac and Aiyana was admitted.

As family scrambled to cover themselves at home and hurled themselves to the hospital, we couldn't imagine the diagnosis was right. Come on, a diagnosis like this must need a lot of invasive testing before they are sure. She probably had a virus affecting her immune system, and tomorrow the additional tests would prove that to be true. There was no need to be alarmed. It just couldn't possibly be Leukemia.

Tuesday came and went with our tough little cookie undergoing a bone marrow aspiration and spinal fluid draw to establish where and how the disease had progressed, and the news confirmed the diagnosis. But the prognosis was hopeful that nothing was found in either location, and childhood leukemia has an astonishingly success rate with treatment, so we were encouraged. Aiyana sailed right through.

Korina's eyes locked onto mine as she talked about things I never wanted to know that were happening in real time to our girl. I held her gaze as she struggled through forcing herself to remain strong and solid and whole when anyone else, including me, would have splintered into a thousand pieces. I wondered how she did it, but I already knew the answer: she loves with her whole heart as well as her mind and realized before the rest of us that holding it together is key.

Wednesday a port (?) was put in Aiyana's chest, for treatments to be administered, and it was determined more specialized care could be given at UC Davis downtown Sac so she was moved there in the afternoon. Chemo starts today.

It seems like a year since last Sunday afternoon.